The Real Fear That Lies at the Heart of Social Anxiety
Not long ago I was pondering the subject of social anxiety and something struck me. I was hit by a wave of inspiration so strong I couldn’t help but write it down.
What I received was a message about the core fear behind social anxiety and the reason for its existence. For the first time, I was able to see it with absolute clarity and in doing so see the path to recovery.
Let me outline for you what I came to know.
You see the core fear behind social anxiety is really that other people’s opinions of you matter. It is the fear that other people have the power to define you and influence who you are.
And while this may be true from a social perspective, what other people think only matters if you want something from them.
You see like most people you have been conditioned to believe that other people’s opinions of you matter because you feel a scarcity of worthiness and resources that you depend on other people for.
You never received the love and respect you desperately wanted and so you decided not to give it to yourself. You decided you couldn’t give yourself love unless others loved you. You decided you couldn’t give yourself respect unless others respected you. You began to believe you had to be perfect to achieve this love and respect.
But here’s the thing love that is not freely given is not really love it’s just a transaction.
Instead of loving yourself, you tried to avoid your own shame by playing small and avoiding the judgment of others. You avoided anything which might trigger feelings of unworthiness. But the thing is it was never about others. It was that you believed them.
You were conditioned to avoid judgment because it was extremely painful for you. You felt others' judgment somehow made you less than or unworthy as a human being. You had a scarcity of worthiness.
But your worthiness was never in question. It was only you who questioned it because you didn’t get what you wanted, love and respect. And so you began to doubt yourself.
And because of this doubt you decided others' opinions were more important than your own. You stopped knowing your own power as a creative being able to attract what you want. You stopped realizing you could create the love and respect you really want and in this forgetfulness you cut yourself off from who you really are.
No wonder you feel anxious, you are not getting what you want and you are afraid others won’t give it to you! But here’s the key message I want you to hear, you can’t receive love and respect if you don’t give it to yourself first.
Yes as with all things, loving yourself first is the answer to Social Anxiety.
To Your Inner Freedom,